I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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