I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
