i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
