based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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