YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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