Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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