The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
