I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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