I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
