You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
