If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
