I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
