So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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