I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
