I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
