this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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