So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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