i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
