xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
