if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
