Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
