I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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