even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
