someone owes me an orgasm
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
