I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
