..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
