he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize