Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just threw up on my dentist
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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