I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
