Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
