with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave