If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
No subtext here. People are naked.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.