Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan