Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..