the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.