you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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