I hate all girls vehemently.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
