Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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