Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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