So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
