dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
