he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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