Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
