just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
