I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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