he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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