Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
