he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
