Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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