My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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