I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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