i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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