U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
