3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
