Its about making memories worth repressing
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Someone stole a lamp last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
