blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
