Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
