for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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