yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
