I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
