I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
