Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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