i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
