Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
