You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
