"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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