How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
