where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
