Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
pray to the hookup gods
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
