I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize