what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
