Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think I won the penis lottery.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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